Filmus Criticus: Justice League Doom (not a review, more like a rant)

Hey folks. I've been pretty busy lately, so I haven't had time to write any more proper reviews, but I thought that I can at least post something (that annoyed me) until I get back on track.

So I just saw JL:Doom - don't look at me like that! I grew up with this stuff, and it's amazing, nostalgia fuelled fun- and I have a few issues with some of the illogical crap in it.

(caveat: I know this is intended for a predominantly young audience, and I shouldn't go nit-picking every little thing, especially since it's based on comic book logic and there is a lot of poetic license; but some of this stuff would have been easily avoided and detracted (mostly) nothing from the story.)

Alright, so this is a list of annoying stuff that I saw during the movie (I was chatting with a friend after we both saw it and we decided to list all the absurdities that happened during the story):
(btw, full of SPOILERS)

1. At the beginning of the movie we see Batman obsessing about chasing down the tech that helped the Royal Flush Gang commit a robbery (actually he seemed pretty obsessed about the whole situation in general. I thought this was the start of some side-story about how Batman realizes his own limitations as being the only non-superpowered individual on the League and trying desperately to prove his worth, but nothing much ever comes from it. No big psychological analysis of the burden of being just one man among gods, or a touchy-feely conclusion of how everyone is special.

2. They mixed up Barry Allen with Wally West as the Flash. Wally is the funny, chatty, banter using Flash. Allen is the nerdy, awkward, moralizing and noble one. His entire back-and-forth with Mirror Master seemed out of place. Oh, and although there is one scene where we see him in this CSI clothes it doesn't really develop this aspect of his character. I get that the movie has a limited time frame for each character development, but if you're not gonna use it why did you bring it up?

3. Green lantern is always downplayed in Justice League stories. In this case he seemed both incompetent and unaware of his own powers. The kept going on and on about him having the most powerful weapon in the Universe, but apparently it doesn't come with any type of sensors or warning signals when the user is under attack by mind altering aerosolised toxins. I mean really? if the guy doesn't think of a construct the ring doesn't do anything? So when he's in space he is always thinking: FORCE FIELD SO I DON'T DIE! FORCE FIELD SO I DON'T DIE!

4. How come the villains don't kill anyone when they have the chance? (because it's a kids movie and bad things don't happen...)

5. What the hell was Alfred doing while groundskeeper Willy was bashing Batman's head in with his dad's headstone? Did he pick that exact time to go clean or do the laundry? Here's a thought: the person you have cared for his entire life just got the news that his parent's graves have been disturbed, how about you go with him to comfort the guy? Probably his shows were on at the time so he couldn't be bothered.

6. How did Bane get to the grave sites without anyone checking him? I say this because (although this keeps changing) I remember that Batman's parents, for some reason, are buried somewhere on Wayne Manor's surrounding land, just so that this kind of stuff doesn't happen. Maybe it was in a cemetery, I don't know, and no one tells us.

7. How did Savage know who Batman really is? Did I miss a scene or something, cause I never saw any evidence of this little (KEY) piece of information being explained. 

8. Add to that: what happens now that the bad guys know the secret identity of the members of the Justice League? Do they just hope they don't tell anyone? Do they just detain them indefinitely on the Watchtower and revoke their phone privileges? Or do they have the Martian Manhunter wipe their memories, and if so won't Batman have something to say about that (cough* that whole issue in Identity Crisis)?

9. Why didn't Flash just cut off his hand? If you have a bomb strapped to you, and it's not on a vital part of your body, then that body part is a liability and must go! I mean really, how worse would his life have been without that hand? (insert masturbation joke here). Oh, I know why, because that would have made sense, but since it's a kids movie bad things can't happen to nice guys...

10. Superman is an idiot. So in the comics and the series we see numerous times when Superman is just minding his own business, having a coffee or something, when all of a sudden he hears "Help me! Someone help!" from the other side of the planet and rushes off. From here we can infer that his special abilities work non-stop, without need for conscious control. But when he's hovering like a moron in front of the fake reported dude he doesn't seem to notice that the guy isn't exactly - how do I say this -  HUMAN! So, the fact that he doesn't Superman can't hear a heartbeat, or the blood rushing through his veins and arteries, or see sweat dripping from his face doesn't make him stop to think? How about you x-ray the guy to see if he doesn't have a weapon or a bomb strapped to him?

11. Superman is an idiot v2. So I don't know if Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, I have just never, ever, heard that exact comparison being made, ever, anywhere, not even in an opening title of a series or something... But, let’s assume he is, and even if he can't dodge or catch a a bullet from 1m in front of him, I'm pretty sure he can move faster than a guy/machine aiming a gun at him and shooting.

12. Martian Manhunter doesn't know chemistry. I don't know much about chemistry either, so I may be wrong on this, but if you're on fire, and water seems to be doing dick all to help, how about you decide to fly into the vacuum of space and see if that helps? Maybe removing the three components of fire may help your situation.

13. Einstein hates Superman. (MAJOR SPOILERS HERE) So there is this scene that I have to describe so that you get how dumb and nonsensical it is. There is this missile that is supposed to make an electromagnetic trail that leads form Earth to the Sun. When the missile reaches the Sun it will explode, creating a solar flare which will travel "at the speed of light" back to Earth kill people and stuff. Ok, so the missile launches, Superman follows and tries to stop it but fails. The missile manages to make it, it goes boom, and the solar flare starts. Superman gets back to Earth and warns everyone that the flare is coming and the have about 7min before it gets there (note: the distance from the Earth to the Sun means that an object moving at the speed of light will take 7min to make the journey). Ok, that cool, but how did Superman back to Earth before the flare?.... If the flare is traveling at light speed, but Superman arrived long before it (apparently instantly), then Superman is faster than the speed of light... (Superman 1, E=mc2 0).

14. Super Missile is super. I have a buddy who is an engineer, and I told him about the missile to the Sun thing, and he said that to his knowledge there is no material that you can make a missile out of so that it does not melt or disintegrate when it gets that close to the Sun. So what the heck is the missile made of? (probably Nth metal or some other thing that we are supposed to infer without being given any information). And second, how did the missile get to the Sun so fast? Is it also traveling using Superman propulsion mechanics? And didn't we just cover that Superman is the fastest being in the whole of Universe? Is the missile faster, or is Superman selectively forgetful of his speed?

15. Green Lantern can fly like 10 times the speed of light (by my comic book estimates/guess work). So the whole things in #14 and #15 make even less sense.

16. How was Superman talking while in space? I thought he held his breath in space, now apparently there is oxygen in space (maybe that's why MM didn't fly out of the atmosphere).

Ok, that's what I have so far. I'm sure there are more, but I'm not all that interested in finding them. I watched "And then there were none" just before this movie and I was in detective/logic mode.
I'm leaving the comment box open to all, so feel free to add your own or discuss mine, just don't expect me to care all that much.
Rant over.

It's in your TV: American Horror Story

##Before I start the reviewing bit I want to give some explanation for the absence since my last post. I have been working on a few side projects, which initially started out great, but that at the moment have been put in “pending” status. I am hopeful that in the near future they will see the light of day and I will be able to share them with you all; I’ll keep you posted on their progress. (I’m also undertaking a Masters at the moment so that has also been keeping me busy, but I’ll try to post more regularly than before, although the 3 per week you are used to may not still apply).

So, I’ll get straight to it. American Horror Story is a show about a spooky house that does bad things to good people, or was it good things to bad people, or random things to anyone in the vicinity? It’s a bit hard to tell at first, but as the story goes on it becomes a bit clearer (but not by much). The main premise involves a family of three who have recently moved in: Dr. Ben Harmon, an adulterous psychiatrist whose best idea of mending the past issues in his life (i.e. cheating on his wife) is to uproot the whole family and move them to the suburbs – clearly he is awesome at his job, Vivien Harmon the wife… and that’s all you can really say about her at the start, no other qualities or defining characteristics (and later on she is characterised is the stereotype of the betrayed house wife, nothing more), and Violet Harmon the standard moody teenager, misunderstood by society (and her psychiatrist dad who seems oblivious to her distress), who finds solace in Tate, an eerie and morbid teenager who is being treated by her dad. There is also a hot/not hot maid and an even creepier next door neighbour with a tendency to pop by and bring poisoned treats for the family while constantly reminding everyone of how knowledgeable she is of how the world truly is and her cursed womb.

The story at first seems very cliché and unimaginative, but over time starts to branch out into multiple mini-stories, each having one of the main characters at the centre, while still managing to intertwine them quite well when the narrative requires it. I did find the first few episodes unnecessarily convoluted, which may put off some viewers, but if you manage to stick with it, it does improve, especially after some depth is given to the characters.

It should be mentioned that this may be the one of the few shows on TV at the moment that actually does suspense-horror properly (the other being the Walking Dead). It is usually a difficult balance that has to be achieved to make a horror show good; the characters must be interesting and well developed, as they are the ones we need to associate with and whose reactions and experiences make the show entertaining, and the shock, supernatural and gore value must not be exaggerated. Shows that fail at horror usually either focus too much on making the monster, poltergeist, whatever, too scary, or too detailed, or in-your-face that the audience habituates to it, and the story loses out. The other pitfall is over-developing characters, something that you can see on Supernatural, where any semblance of horror, suspense, or narrative seems to take a back seat to the drama of the protagonists’ lives. AHS hasn’t (yet at least) failed in this respect, as the show is now the characters are properly defined and given individual views on the event that are occurring around them, adding layers and depth to the story as a whole. That being said, it seems that when it comes to “giving depth to characters” the writers fail to separate “people” from “ghosts”, and if a ghost starts to be overly developed, any effect it will have on the horror aspect disappears. If a ghost talks, walks, eats, has sex and even (spoiler ->) makes babies, then what is the actual difference between people and dead-people?

The thing that annoyed me are the great differences between how the scenes progress, where sometimes the audience is flooded with information and important plot points, while at others there seems to be no relevance to a scene aside from creating a pause between the “good parts”. It could be argued that this is done intentionally, but the lack of fluidity at times severely affects the immersion process, without achieving any long term advantages.

A little tip that I have for fresh viewers of the show is to not imagine it being about the family and the event that occur to them, and view it more as the story of the house and the things that happened and will happen there. Also, try to ignore the ridiculousness of the maid, especially in scenes where she is in a room with both men and women where she gives the impression of being schizophrenic, shifting between lascivious and noble based on who she is facing.

Overall, the cinematography is well made, there is no overuse of special effects or trickery, and the acting in general is very good. The cast itself has great chemistry, having their interactions appear realistic and fluid. One issue is that they show tends to over-develop individuals that are only around for a short time, or that play minor roles. There are also plenty of references to other horror stories, urban legends, and tragic deaths in real life, some of which are subtle, but most are quite obvious. If you are a fan of horror you may appreciate the “classic” quality of the scare tactics, and the fact that the show does not shy away from brutal and extreme setups (e.g. at one point there is a rape scene with a guy dressed up in S&M-style latex suit), and for regular fans of TV you may find it refreshingly different than other current shows on TV.

It's in your TV: Teen Wolf

I don’t usually review, or even care about, shows intended for a teen audience; they all are generally horrendous, as if it was central to the genre for them to be cheesy, dull, filled with bad acting (if it can be called acting) and almost unwatchable. But after watching the first two episodes (and losing a significant amount of grey matter in the process) I decided to make an exception for this one as it is so incredibly bad, to the point where you start to ask yourself how this stuff gets greenlit.

As I was watching the show I wonder if the actors were truly self-aware of exactly how bad their acting was while they were filming it. I’m starting to suspect that what happens is that everyone on the set is in a state of denial, acting as a defence mechanisms in response to the level of suckiness seen on camera. The way I see it, the actors hear and see themselves then think “I can’t actually be THAT bad. It must be in my head, otherwise someone would have said something by now”. At the other end the producers are siting there listening and seeing the actors and think “the show can’t really be THIS bad, it must be in my head, I mean the actors or someone would’ve said something if it was as horrible as I think it is”. And so, due to this widespread state of denial, resulting from spectacular artistic failure, we get the new Teen Wolf. I’m starting to wonder if “acting skills” is still a requirement to play a role on a TV show, or if it has been demoted to the “other skills” section of an applicant’s CV.

I’m really not sure where to start with this show. The plot is bad, the acting is bad, even the visuals are dodgy. The only reason why it was on my radar was due to nostalgia, which is probably what the producers were hoping would draw in a crowd, as the show is inspired by the 1985 movie of the same name, starring Michael J. Fox - Because there is nothing that fans like more than someone playing around with a classic.

The plot is formulaic and unimaginative, as would be expected of this sort of show. It focuses on an adolescent boy, struggling through high school, leading an “average” life, bullies pick on him, no girls will give him the time of day, he has a geeky and socially awkward best friend, and then he gets bit by a wolf. Although we all know that the mysterious animal is actually a werewolf, they still decided to have the central actors, the protagonist Scott McCall (Posey) and his buddy Stiles (O'Brien), play the whole “self-aware of the silliness of the idea of a werewolf bite” routine, which was annoying to watch and pretty much destroyed any immersion in the story for the viewer.

Over the course of the episode the effects of the mysterious bite start to emerge, and true to the classics, the previously geeky loser is transformed into an incredible athlete, and gains the popularity he always dreamt. This is where I start to get annoyed. I never understood this conception of success being tied to popularity among people who obviously never liked you for who you are, and only accepted you after you start behaving like them. Not to mention that this dichotomy where the people who are athletically inclined are the group you should strive to emulate while the ones who are academically successful are looked down on and ostracised. It would have been nice if this remake was also a re-envisioning of the show with a shift from the classic and now stereotypical categorization of “jocks vs. nerds” used for the past few decades. So, in terms of plot there are no surprises and for the most part is badly written (even the cliché stuff is poorly executed).

The acting is almost indescribably bad, and it’s not only from the protagonist. No, it’s everywhere! Every line, every interaction is stale, unrealistic and emotionless. I kept getting the feeling they had a guy in the back holding up a card with their line but he forgot to add any punctuation, and it was the first time the actors (and I use the term loosely) were reading them. Special mention must be given to the protagonist, Tyler Posey, as he truly is the worst one of the lot. His reactions on screen where either unconvincing or surprising and they never matched the dialogue, not to mention that he only seems to have two facial expressions: confused and constipated.

            

           In the past the counter argument used to be that child or teen actors had limited experience and training, and should not be judged as harshly as their adult counterparts, but after the performance by Chloe Moretz of Kick-Ass, or even Maisie Williams and Isaac Hempstead-Wright from Game of Thrones, that argument is clearly invalid. There is simply no excuse for the complete lack of conviction and realism portrayed by the majority of the cast in Teen Wolf.

The more I watched the more pissed off I got. This show, and others like it, will end up ruining the entire genre. Coming of age stories, dealing with the turmoil of adolescence are difficult to make appealing to the individuals that would most benefit from watching them, especially if they mainly consist of long and boring monologues or heavy philosophical discussions. But, if properly executed, shows that add an extra element, like making use of a graphic and easily observable metaphor to describe these issue (in this case the werewolf thing), can result in excellent and captivating storytelling, making it appealing and relatable to teens (i.e. the indented audience) and nostalgic adults alike.

I’m hopeful that the viewers of this show will quickly realise how truly horrific it is and refuse to continue watching it, letting it wither away, as it should, making the point that allowing things like this on TV is unacceptable. But alas, we live in the sparkly vampire era of television and film, and I fear my critique/recommendation will fall on deaf ears. Where is Van Helsing when you need him.

Filmus Criticus: X-Men: First Class

This was not the soaring success I had hoped it would be. Although, in comparison to previous X-films this does rank at the top, but it is far from the way an X-men movie could be. The movie seems to be divided into three parts which appear to be separate movies entirely, with "part three" being by far the best one (and probably the reason you went to see the movie).

The plot itself was not terrible, although the trailer pretty much gives everything away. It does offer a completely different feel than any of the previous X-men movies, and after the Wolverine fiasco this is a refreshing reboot. The costume designs were the best I have see so far, they were colourfull, matched the more vibrant tone of the visuals and were more faithful to the ones in the comics, (I loved the fact that they used an almost identical helmet to the one Magneto uses in the comic books). The visuals were acceptable but at times did not fit the theme of the movie, either being underwhelming or Michael Bay-esc. The fight scenes were highly entertaining, especially Azazel’s cover strike scene, and every scene where Magneto was doing something. I would have liked it if the roster had a few more flashy, heavy hitters, or at least have Darwin do more impressive transformations than what he got to do.

A strong criticism that I have for the movie is that a significant proportion of the cast did not reproduce the personalities of the characters they were meant to portray in a very successful manner, nor did they offer an alternative interpretation better suited for the movie. Some of the issues could have been avoided by trying less to physically match the characters, like Emma Frost/January Jones, to their X-men Universe counterparts and attempt to find someone that is better suited to play the part. 

January Jones simply did not have that femme fatale air about her or the sophistication that some might have expected from her character, and it was difficult to take her role seriously as it was reduced to a blonde playboy bunny used solely for exposition and eye candy; they should have went for a more Basic Instinct Sharon Stone than the bitchy Elvira they ended up with. (I had a similar issue with Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow).

Bacon’s portrayal of Sebastian Shaw while highly entertaining, and at times quite brilliant, was not as dramatic and grandiose as he should have been. If they decided to use him as the main villain they should have at least given him a few decent monologues typical of a megalomaniacal super-villain; instead we pretty much uncovered the motivation for his plans from a few scattered and vaguely connected scenes.

Fassbender did a splendid job portraying both the troubled yet focused and opinionated Erik Lehnsherr, as well as a rising Magneto. The dynamic between him and Xavier was well constructed, but at times lacked the gravitas that one would have expected from two of the most important (future) leaders of mutant kind. I get that the movie wanted to keep the focus on who they were before they became Prof.X and Magneto, but this resulted in the in-movie transitions being to sudden and feeling rushed. McAvoy was a very convincing Xavier (although at times a bit over the top) and cannot be criticised for his acting, especially since he seemed to be the glue that held the plot together, so he had his work cut out for him from the start.

While I may sound highly critical of this movie it should not be interpreted as me giving it a bad review. I am as opinionated with respect to this movie as I have a lot (and I mean a lot!) of background knowledge of the X-men universe so I am fully aware of the potential it has, but also in light of the new standard that comicbook based movie have received due to films like Dark Knight and Thor. Overall I found the movie enjoyable, and a good combination of dialog driven and action based plot; maybe if they had made it a two-parter it would have had more fluidity (as paradoxical as that may sound), but I have serious doubts that even this one will make enough money for a sequel.

How far will this reboot go remains to be seen, at the moment it looks quite promising, especially if they continue on this path of making movies that more closely resemble the core concepts of their sources. So, my vote is to go see it. Oh and at a certain point there is a well-placed cameo that I think deserves some attention mainly because it adds some entertainment value to people who are fans of the series, while not taking away from the movie, which is, as past experience has shown us, not an easy thing to accomplish (although there are easter eggs galore throughout the whole movie).