Hey
folks. I've been pretty busy lately, so I haven't had time to write any more
proper reviews, but I thought that I can at least post something (that annoyed
me) until I get back on track.
So I
just saw JL:Doom - don't look at me like that! I grew up with this stuff, and
it's amazing, nostalgia fuelled fun- and I have a few issues with some of the
illogical crap in it.
(caveat: I know this is intended
for a predominantly young audience, and I shouldn't go nit-picking every little
thing, especially since it's based on comic book logic and there is a lot of
poetic license; but some of this stuff would have been easily avoided and
detracted (mostly) nothing from the story.)Alright, so this is a list of annoying stuff that I saw during the movie (I was chatting with a friend after we both saw it and we decided to list all the absurdities that happened during the story):
(btw, full of SPOILERS)
1. At the beginning of the movie we see Batman obsessing about chasing down the tech that helped the Royal Flush Gang commit a robbery (actually he seemed pretty obsessed about the whole situation in general. I thought this was the start of some side-story about how Batman realizes his own limitations as being the only non-superpowered individual on the League and trying desperately to prove his worth, but nothing much ever comes from it. No big psychological analysis of the burden of being just one man among gods, or a touchy-feely conclusion of how everyone is special.
2. They mixed up Barry Allen with Wally West as the Flash. Wally is the funny, chatty, banter using Flash. Allen is the nerdy, awkward, moralizing and noble one. His entire back-and-forth with Mirror Master seemed out of place. Oh, and although there is one scene where we see him in this CSI clothes it doesn't really develop this aspect of his character. I get that the movie has a limited time frame for each character development, but if you're not gonna use it why did you bring it up?
3. Green lantern is always downplayed in Justice League stories. In this case he seemed both incompetent and unaware of his own powers. The kept going on and on about him having the most powerful weapon in the Universe, but apparently it doesn't come with any type of sensors or warning signals when the user is under attack by mind altering aerosolised toxins. I mean really? if the guy doesn't think of a construct the ring doesn't do anything? So when he's in space he is always thinking: FORCE FIELD SO I DON'T DIE! FORCE FIELD SO I DON'T DIE!
4. How come the villains don't kill anyone when they have the chance? (because it's a kids movie and bad things don't happen...)
5. What the hell was Alfred doing while groundskeeper Willy was bashing Batman's head in with his dad's headstone? Did he pick that exact time to go clean or do the laundry? Here's a thought: the person you have cared for his entire life just got the news that his parent's graves have been disturbed, how about you go with him to comfort the guy? Probably his shows were on at the time so he couldn't be bothered.
6. How did Bane get to the grave sites without anyone checking him? I say this because (although this keeps changing) I remember that Batman's parents, for some reason, are buried somewhere on Wayne Manor's surrounding land, just so that this kind of stuff doesn't happen. Maybe it was in a cemetery, I don't know, and no one tells us.
7. How did Savage know who Batman really is? Did I miss a scene or something, cause I never saw any evidence of this little (KEY) piece of information being explained.
8. Add to that: what happens now that the bad guys know the secret identity of the members of the Justice League? Do they just hope they don't tell anyone? Do they just detain them indefinitely on the Watchtower and revoke their phone privileges? Or do they have the Martian Manhunter wipe their memories, and if so won't Batman have something to say about that (cough* that whole issue in Identity Crisis)?
9. Why didn't Flash just cut off his hand? If you have a bomb strapped to you, and it's not on a vital part of your body, then that body part is a liability and must go! I mean really, how worse would his life have been without that hand? (insert masturbation joke here). Oh, I know why, because that would have made sense, but since it's a kids movie bad things can't happen to nice guys...
10. Superman is an idiot. So in the comics and the series we see numerous times when Superman is just minding his own business, having a coffee or something, when all of a sudden he hears "Help me! Someone help!" from the other side of the planet and rushes off. From here we can infer that his special abilities work non-stop, without need for conscious control. But when he's hovering like a moron in front of the fake reported dude he doesn't seem to notice that the guy isn't exactly - how do I say this - HUMAN! So, the fact that he doesn't Superman can't hear a heartbeat, or the blood rushing through his veins and arteries, or see sweat dripping from his face doesn't make him stop to think? How about you x-ray the guy to see if he doesn't have a weapon or a bomb strapped to him?
11. Superman is an idiot v2. So I don't know if Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, I have just never, ever, heard that exact comparison being made, ever, anywhere, not even in an opening title of a series or something... But, let’s assume he is, and even if he can't dodge or catch a a bullet from 1m in front of him, I'm pretty sure he can move faster than a guy/machine aiming a gun at him and shooting.
12. Martian Manhunter doesn't know chemistry. I don't know much about chemistry either, so I may be wrong on this, but if you're on fire, and water seems to be doing dick all to help, how about you decide to fly into the vacuum of space and see if that helps? Maybe removing the three components of fire may help your situation.
13. Einstein hates Superman. (MAJOR SPOILERS HERE) So there is this scene that I have to describe so that you get how dumb and nonsensical it is. There is this missile that is supposed to make an electromagnetic trail that leads form Earth to the Sun. When the missile reaches the Sun it will explode, creating a solar flare which will travel "at the speed of light" back to Earth kill people and stuff. Ok, so the missile launches, Superman follows and tries to stop it but fails. The missile manages to make it, it goes boom, and the solar flare starts. Superman gets back to Earth and warns everyone that the flare is coming and the have about 7min before it gets there (note: the distance from the Earth to the Sun means that an object moving at the speed of light will take 7min to make the journey). Ok, that cool, but how did Superman back to Earth before the flare?.... If the flare is traveling at light speed, but Superman arrived long before it (apparently instantly), then Superman is faster than the speed of light... (Superman 1, E=mc2 0).
14. Super Missile is super. I have a buddy who is an engineer, and I told him about the missile to the Sun thing, and he said that to his knowledge there is no material that you can make a missile out of so that it does not melt or disintegrate when it gets that close to the Sun. So what the heck is the missile made of? (probably Nth metal or some other thing that we are supposed to infer without being given any information). And second, how did the missile get to the Sun so fast? Is it also traveling using Superman propulsion mechanics? And didn't we just cover that Superman is the fastest being in the whole of Universe? Is the missile faster, or is Superman selectively forgetful of his speed?
15. Green Lantern can fly like 10 times the speed of light (by my comic book estimates/guess work). So the whole things in #14 and #15 make even less sense.
16. How was Superman talking while in space? I thought he held his breath in space, now apparently there is oxygen in space (maybe that's why MM didn't fly out of the atmosphere).
Ok, that's what I have so far. I'm sure there are more, but I'm not all that interested in finding them. I watched "And then there were none" just before this movie and I was in detective/logic mode.
I'm leaving the comment box open to all, so feel free to add your own or discuss mine, just don't expect me to care all that much.
Rant over.
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